“I can forgive; ,,,but I’ll never forget”. I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before? What does it really mean? It is the most misunderstood gift from God. I’ll guarantee that It you’ve not said this, then you know someone that has. People that are familiar know this can become a defining moniker.
In this age of “self-help “and” self-awareness”, people cling to this mantra to show their psychological maturity. In the public social sphere, you automatically gain “points” as an extraordinary human. You attain status of nearly sainthood, as people marvel at your generosity of love when faced with those who hurt you.
Sayings like “That person is a better human than I am; I couldn’t forgive if that happened to me”! I will claim to you that this saying, this way of thinking should be avoided. This is double talk; saying one thing and meaning another. In other words, you are deceiving and or a result of deceit. Whenever you decide to “forgive” it must be truth, of your whole heart, and sincerity. The process should be two-fold.
Forgiving; a 2 Part Process…
Firstly, the petition to God for the act of forgiving is on your own behalf, and the second is on the behalf of the person to whom you want to forgive. You need to approach the first step with humility and remorse. This is sometimes the most difficult of the two; you were the one initially offended or hurt and you’re asking God to forgive you…?
Yes, you need to acknowledge all the anger, and ill wishes towards the person. Admitting to God that it offended him just as much as the person your hate/anger was towards. This will prepare you for a pure loving petition and make the second step that much more meaningful.
The second part of the two-step process is you need to ask God to forgive them, grant them peace, the humility to accept what they did…and then release it! Ask God to take the burden from their soul. Let the heart, filled with sorrow, anger, torment and pain be renewed with the love and innocence of a child. Allow them to once more feel the purity and divinity it once had. The person who afflicted you will notice a lightness and freedom; no longer will they be ashamed or fearful. God will fill them up with happiness and love that will enable them to continue to spread love to all they come in contact.
Do you Understand What You’re Saying?
This also is a benefit to you; as you too are experiencing the power of God’s love. A love that doesn’t keep tally, nor one that has conditions placed upon it. This love, is to give with truth and purity; it will give back to you 10-fold! That’s a return even William Buffet would stand and take notice of!
The act of forgiving equally benefits you just as much as the “trespasser”. God made the act one that produces a windfall of graces to whom was offended.
This should be rather simple for us to do- the act of forgiveness, I mean. Am I right? , do we not recite it in the Our Father prayer? Petition to God to forgive us our trespasses AND to forgive the person who offended us? Isn’t that what “…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those whom trespassed against us” means? Do we not recite this prayer every Sunday at Mass, and every rosary prayed?
Honestly, do you realize what you are saying? Do you understand the gravity of what you’re requesting to the Holy Father? There is certain danger in taking prayers lightly. More importantly not being truthful and pure in heart when speaking to the eternal Father. If you are just mouthing the words and don’t truly mean what they say, then you are creating blasphemy; a major offense to our Lord Creator.
Physiology of Forgiveness
Another very important caveat to add to the act of forgiving is the physiological effect. Scientists discovered when people don’t forgive there’s a noticeable measured change to the nervous system. In addition, the chemistry of your blood is affected as well as the inflammation of each and every cell in your body https://youtu.be/TIfYtzKSpXM?si=D_Bc0sEgmhDWcdVG&t=10
In other words, it’s as if you experience the effects of trauma/stress and the element of “fight or flight “every time you bring up the memory of the person that offended you. Your body’s PH axis is engaged; raising C reactive protein, interleukin 6, tumor necrosis factor https://youtu.be/TIfYtzKSpXM?si=y0ECS4TuMmUdt1hj&t=386
Conversely, a study done by UCLA found that if you forgive, it creates the same physiological effects of self-preservation. This occurs basically when you forgive and stop linking yourself to that person/event that enables victimhood identity. https://youtu.be/TIfYtzKSpXM?si=yGw5D7U33e7EjfWo&t=1079. I speak from experience when I say that its easier said then done. Nevertheless, it can be done; the Holy Spirit can enter your heart and help you achieve the life that God intended for you to live.
Speaking from personal experience…
In this fast on demand culture, there is no amount of set time it takes for you to forgive. It is uniquely individual to each of us; the journey to find forgiveness took me 32 years. Yes, I know I’m stubborn, but after all I needed to take the time to sort out all the demons…and there were quit a few.
I can honestly say that when I did forgive, I mean actually forgive, not forgive one day and the next profess my victimhood proudly. But I remember when the lightbulb came on in my mind as I mulled over this situation that happened to me. It just popped into my mind and yet it was very profound. It only occurred when I could see beyond the pain, beyond my selfish ego, and see the offender in just as much pain and anguish as I. To forgive doesn’t mean reconciliation, it means you no longer identify yourself as the victim.
The Purpose to Forgive…
God wants us to be happy and experience love, but we can’t fully achieve this without suffering and pain. Forgiveness and letting go is the only way to attain happiness and love. In closing, I hope you see that while forgiveness is a physiological real thing that science can measure and study, it is also spiritual and divine.
It isn’t possible without God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit gifting you understanding, compassion, and love. I encourage you to petition God to help you to be humble and grateful for your gift of life. Embracing all of your life, even the dark, painful times. Equally, ask the Holy Spirit to enter and give you wisdom and understanding that those dark painful times is what made it possible for you to truly know love.
You let go of all the fear, anger, uncertainty, and anguish…just like that, your soul has so much more room to understand, be happy, and love as Jesus did while on earth.
Until next time,
May You Always Know of God’s Blessings and Love
I would like to recommend the website “The Feynman Way”. In doing so, I am not receiving any money or gifts for promoting his work. I truly enjoy his videos; full of information that is extremely interesting while educating. I’m always in awe after learning the mysteries of physiology and the body in all his work. It parallels my religious philosophies and is confirming that we come from a supreme divine being. Please watch and enjoy.